My current life at 19
Hello, welcome, I am currently experiencing a little "glow up" and I thought I would share my realizations with everyone that does decide to watch this video.
let's start
I am "someone" I am 19 years old and live in the Netherlands. Growing up I lived with my mom and brother, we lived somewhere in Rotterdam. The house where I lived in was part of a neighborhood that was getting wrecked down because the roofs were made out of asbestos
I had a great time there as a child because I could do pretty much whatever a young boy would love to do, since I was around 7 years old I started to mess around with a lighter I found. My brother and I would make small fires and build small cabins in the woods right next to the neighborhood, we also had a play garden right next to our house.
Fast-forward a year I started to look after the teens that also still lived there.
I eventually started to hang out with them in a little barn, that's where i smoked my first ever cigarette.
Not long after that i learned that these guys would steal the lead of the roofs that was there to keep the rain out of the houses but no one lived in them any more anyway,
so my brother and I stole a knife from our kitchen and climbed on the roofs and cut away all the lead that was still there, and we would make the "friends" we had sell it.
After that, I did a lot of things that you shouldn't do as an 8-9 year old.
These guys reached me that you could kick in the corner of a roof you could easily get into the houses.
So when I found that out I told my brother, and we broke into the small warehouse that was right next to my house. In the warehouse
I found a pocket knife and some other stuff after we climbed out I decided to start a fire in the warehouse...
That didn't go so well i basically lit the whole warehouse on fire, after that i burned so many other houses to the ground because i thought it was fun.
My brother became uncontrollable in what he did, so my mum decided to send him to a closed youth center without my dad knowing.
Now keep in mind that my dad didn't live with us, so he found out after he called my mom to ask when he could pick us up to stay the weekend with him,
he waited for me and my mom to finish grocery shopping and when we got home he raced to my moms car and opened the door and long story short he would have killed here
if it wasn't for me sitting in the backseat.
He told me to get out of the car, but I didn't, after what felt like 10 minutes but probably only was a few seconds the guard that looked after the neighborhood walked around the corner and saw my dad basically choking her,
he ran towards him, and he got up, and my mom drove off.
After a lot of legal shit and child welfare I ended up not seeing my dad until I was 12.
So the time came for us to move, sadly.
When I turned 12 I finally saw my dad again also my brother got his shit together and the closed youth center allowed him to move back in.
When i got into the 3de grade of high school i was around 15 years old, it wasn't the best time of my life because my close grandfather just died.
One day one of my friends said she wanted to try to smoke weed, and so did i, so we went
to the coffeshop and of course we couldn't get it ourself, so we would ask random people to go for us, after like 2 hours of asking strangers some1 finally got us a pre-roll, and we went to the park and smoked it.
i remember being high as fuck. I little after that i got myself a plug and learned to roll, that was around the same time i started smoking cigarettes but luckily i quit like a year after that and stated vaping.
Smoking weed quickly became the only thing i cared about. i didn't care about school, family, pets, health, hygiene or anything like that. also, my empathy disappeared slowly.
i barely talked to my mom and would steal money from her to buy weed. A little after that, my life turned around again because my mom got cancer in her throat.
During that period i wouldn't even go to school and the only thing I would do is smoke. This lasted for about 6 months
i got kicked out of college because i was never there and my grades were shit
not much later my mom got declared incapacitated for work by the state, and we got a little under 1000 euros a month to live with,
with rent etc taken off we had around 250 euros a month to buy food etc so as you would understand that ain't enough.
Me being me, i kept stealing money and my mom caught me, and she beat my ass.
After that, i quit smoking for like a month and got a job to help pay the bills.
That didn't last long since i got fired for not showing up
i started smoking again, at this time i was 16 and puberty started to hit and i started to get curious all fronts
i had a group of like 15 people and we stared to drink every weekend and one day i got hella drunk and had sex for the fist time ever
with my best guy friend out of everyone.... after IT was done, i got scarred and ran home.
When i got home i instantly fell asleep and the next day i woke up with the biggest regret ever.
i knew he was gay and probably didn't care as much as i did, but for me, it was more a experiment to see if I liked it.
Later that day he invited me over to his house because his mom wasn't home.
It was me, him and the other 2 closest friends i had, we drank some more alcohol together and then the 2 other friends left.
We drank a little more, and we did IT again, this time we did it in the shower and right after we were done i left in a hurry again.
The next day, he called me to talk about it. But i wasn't having it, i told him to please never tell anyone and never talk about it again, he agreed.
After that, i didn't talk to him in like a week.
You need to know that me and 3 others including him where in the same close friend group.
so one day one of them called me to link and smoke and of course i said yes
she later told me he told her, i never felt so betrayed.
i decided to lie to her and said it never happened, she be leafed me i thought.
i got home and called him and said i never wanted to see him again or i would beat his fucking ass.
he never responded and about a week later everyone i knew that i fucked him. He told everyone
i couldn't talk to anyone anymore because i was so ashamed
the only one i still talked with was the girl that told me he snitched
around a year passed with me only talking to her.
i had a lot of trouble making new friends because of my lack of empathy and trust issues
then one day she took someone with her, what later became her boyfriend. Me and her boyfriend became really good fucking friends, he felt like a real brother, lets name him James.
So me and James hangout every day for like a year straight all we really did was talk and smoke and that was allot for me being so introverted
from the bottom of my heart, i fking loved the guy.
So me, him and his GF went to a random party and i met someone lets call her Mandy.
Mandy and i bonded really well, and we started to hang out alone after a while she told me she really didn't like James his GF and gave actual reasons
and i thought about it for a while and i agreed Mandy showed me how manipulative and toxic she really was, and she also showed me a Snapchat of her stealing from me.
i got drunk called that bitch and told her how i felt and that same day i broke our friendship and never talked to her again
but James was her bf so i lost him as well sadly he truly was my brother and i get sad when i think about him to this day.
i was depressed as fuck for a long time
then the COVID-19 pandemic started in the Netherlands i was about 17-18 years old.
i started to hang and smoke with Mandy allot, and soon we became good friends
one day she called me to hang and when i got there she showed me a few XTC pills she was planning to take
and asked if i wanted to try it to and i did.
The same night we went to a park and both took 1/4 pill
we felt so amazing, it was truly magical
like an hour into the peak we saw the guy I had sex with, and she knew him as well, and he was with one of my other best friend of that time and the best friend of that fucking manipulative bitch
we talked for a bit, and they decided to take XTC with us and that's where our new group began we all ended up consuming around 5 pills each over the entire night
we got home in the morning we got some sleep and the next night we did the same the whole night.
Then we had the first corona lockdown which lasted for 6 months
during that time schools and stuff where closed and we all didn't have shit to do so all we did is use XTC.
When the fist lockdown ended, we stopped abusing XTC, and they all went to school again
i still didn't have a job and at home we were struggling we had days we didn't have any food,
combing that with all the XTC and shit food i ate i became really skinny and getting hella insecure.
Also smoking didn't bring me enough joy i wanted more than weed had to give me,
so in a short period i started taking all kind of shit like XANAX, LSD, SHROOMS, cocaine, Salvia, and nitrous oxide.
i got all the money to pay for it from my dad because i was taking driver lessons, and he paid for it, and i would just spend the money and tell him i was taking the lessons.
i hate myself the most for lying to him about so many things just so i could get money to buy drugs.
Currently, IAM 19 years old and i work as a pizza delivery guy
i applied for college and i even think I am truly in love with this girl, but i think the negatives still out way the positives.
Because I am still a bit depressed, i got pretty much 0 empathy, i have huge trust and commitment issues, my bond with my family is dog shit, i still do drugs alto its allot less now than that it used to be
and my confidence is still fucking 0.
My current friends are a little better than they used to be alto they can't ever be as good as James was.
i also want to go to the gym when my arm stops being broken for fuck’s sake, so i can get some muscle on my chicken arms
DONT DO DRUGS
Hello, welcome, I am currently experiencing a little "glow up" and I thought I would share my realizations with everyone that does decide to watch this video.
let's start
I am "someone" I am 19 years old and live in the Netherlands. Growing up I lived with my mom and brother, we lived somewhere in Rotterdam. The house where I lived in was part of a neighborhood that was getting wrecked down because the roofs were made out of asbestos
I had a great time there as a child because I could do pretty much whatever a young boy would love to do, since I was around 7 years old I started to mess around with a lighter I found. My brother and I would make small fires and build small cabins in the woods right next to the neighborhood, we also had a play garden right next to our house.
Fast-forward a year I started to look after the teens that also still lived there.
I eventually started to hang out with them in a little barn, that's where i smoked my first ever cigarette.
Not long after that i learned that these guys would steal the lead of the roofs that was there to keep the rain out of the houses but no one lived in them any more anyway,
so my brother and I stole a knife from our kitchen and climbed on the roofs and cut away all the lead that was still there, and we would make the "friends" we had sell it.
After that, I did a lot of things that you shouldn't do as an 8-9 year old.
These guys reached me that you could kick in the corner of a roof you could easily get into the houses.
So when I found that out I told my brother, and we broke into the small warehouse that was right next to my house. In the warehouse
I found a pocket knife and some other stuff after we climbed out I decided to start a fire in the warehouse...
That didn't go so well i basically lit the whole warehouse on fire, after that i burned so many other houses to the ground because i thought it was fun.
My brother became uncontrollable in what he did, so my mum decided to send him to a closed youth center without my dad knowing.
Now keep in mind that my dad didn't live with us, so he found out after he called my mom to ask when he could pick us up to stay the weekend with him,
he waited for me and my mom to finish grocery shopping and when we got home he raced to my moms car and opened the door and long story short he would have killed here
if it wasn't for me sitting in the backseat.
He told me to get out of the car, but I didn't, after what felt like 10 minutes but probably only was a few seconds the guard that looked after the neighborhood walked around the corner and saw my dad basically choking her,
he ran towards him, and he got up, and my mom drove off.
After a lot of legal shit and child welfare I ended up not seeing my dad until I was 12.
So the time came for us to move, sadly.
When I turned 12 I finally saw my dad again also my brother got his shit together and the closed youth center allowed him to move back in.
When i got into the 3de grade of high school i was around 15 years old, it wasn't the best time of my life because my close grandfather just died.
One day one of my friends said she wanted to try to smoke weed, and so did i, so we went
to the coffeshop and of course we couldn't get it ourself, so we would ask random people to go for us, after like 2 hours of asking strangers some1 finally got us a pre-roll, and we went to the park and smoked it.
i remember being high as fuck. I little after that i got myself a plug and learned to roll, that was around the same time i started smoking cigarettes but luckily i quit like a year after that and stated vaping.
Smoking weed quickly became the only thing i cared about. i didn't care about school, family, pets, health, hygiene or anything like that. also, my empathy disappeared slowly.
i barely talked to my mom and would steal money from her to buy weed. A little after that, my life turned around again because my mom got cancer in her throat.
During that period i wouldn't even go to school and the only thing I would do is smoke. This lasted for about 6 months
i got kicked out of college because i was never there and my grades were shit
not much later my mom got declared incapacitated for work by the state, and we got a little under 1000 euros a month to live with,
with rent etc taken off we had around 250 euros a month to buy food etc so as you would understand that ain't enough.
Me being me, i kept stealing money and my mom caught me, and she beat my ass.
After that, i quit smoking for like a month and got a job to help pay the bills.
That didn't last long since i got fired for not showing up
i started smoking again, at this time i was 16 and puberty started to hit and i started to get curious all fronts
i had a group of like 15 people and we stared to drink every weekend and one day i got hella drunk and had sex for the fist time ever
with my best guy friend out of everyone.... after IT was done, i got scarred and ran home.
When i got home i instantly fell asleep and the next day i woke up with the biggest regret ever.
i knew he was gay and probably didn't care as much as i did, but for me, it was more a experiment to see if I liked it.
Later that day he invited me over to his house because his mom wasn't home.
It was me, him and the other 2 closest friends i had, we drank some more alcohol together and then the 2 other friends left.
We drank a little more, and we did IT again, this time we did it in the shower and right after we were done i left in a hurry again.
The next day, he called me to talk about it. But i wasn't having it, i told him to please never tell anyone and never talk about it again, he agreed.
After that, i didn't talk to him in like a week.
You need to know that me and 3 others including him where in the same close friend group.
so one day one of them called me to link and smoke and of course i said yes
she later told me he told her, i never felt so betrayed.
i decided to lie to her and said it never happened, she be leafed me i thought.
i got home and called him and said i never wanted to see him again or i would beat his fucking ass.
he never responded and about a week later everyone i knew that i fucked him. He told everyone
i couldn't talk to anyone anymore because i was so ashamed
the only one i still talked with was the girl that told me he snitched
around a year passed with me only talking to her.
i had a lot of trouble making new friends because of my lack of empathy and trust issues
then one day she took someone with her, what later became her boyfriend. Me and her boyfriend became really good fucking friends, he felt like a real brother, lets name him James.
So me and James hangout every day for like a year straight all we really did was talk and smoke and that was allot for me being so introverted
from the bottom of my heart, i fking loved the guy.
So me, him and his GF went to a random party and i met someone lets call her Mandy.
Mandy and i bonded really well, and we started to hang out alone after a while she told me she really didn't like James his GF and gave actual reasons
and i thought about it for a while and i agreed Mandy showed me how manipulative and toxic she really was, and she also showed me a Snapchat of her stealing from me.
i got drunk called that bitch and told her how i felt and that same day i broke our friendship and never talked to her again
but James was her bf so i lost him as well sadly he truly was my brother and i get sad when i think about him to this day.
i was depressed as fuck for a long time
then the COVID-19 pandemic started in the Netherlands i was about 17-18 years old.
i started to hang and smoke with Mandy allot, and soon we became good friends
one day she called me to hang and when i got there she showed me a few XTC pills she was planning to take
and asked if i wanted to try it to and i did.
The same night we went to a park and both took 1/4 pill
we felt so amazing, it was truly magical
like an hour into the peak we saw the guy I had sex with, and she knew him as well, and he was with one of my other best friend of that time and the best friend of that fucking manipulative bitch
we talked for a bit, and they decided to take XTC with us and that's where our new group began we all ended up consuming around 5 pills each over the entire night
we got home in the morning we got some sleep and the next night we did the same the whole night.
Then we had the first corona lockdown which lasted for 6 months
during that time schools and stuff where closed and we all didn't have shit to do so all we did is use XTC.
When the fist lockdown ended, we stopped abusing XTC, and they all went to school again
i still didn't have a job and at home we were struggling we had days we didn't have any food,
combing that with all the XTC and shit food i ate i became really skinny and getting hella insecure.
Also smoking didn't bring me enough joy i wanted more than weed had to give me,
so in a short period i started taking all kind of shit like XANAX, LSD, SHROOMS, cocaine, Salvia, and nitrous oxide.
i got all the money to pay for it from my dad because i was taking driver lessons, and he paid for it, and i would just spend the money and tell him i was taking the lessons.
i hate myself the most for lying to him about so many things just so i could get money to buy drugs.
Currently, IAM 19 years old and i work as a pizza delivery guy
i applied for college and i even think I am truly in love with this girl, but i think the negatives still out way the positives.
Because I am still a bit depressed, i got pretty much 0 empathy, i have huge trust and commitment issues, my bond with my family is dog shit, i still do drugs alto its allot less now than that it used to be
and my confidence is still fucking 0.
My current friends are a little better than they used to be alto they can't ever be as good as James was.
i also want to go to the gym when my arm stops being broken for fuck’s sake, so i can get some muscle on my chicken arms
DONT DO DRUGS
